Ladies, I am holding out my hand. Do you trust me?
I need you to open Google Maps. Locate your nearest mall. Get in your car. Drive to Yankee Candle.
Past the seasonal pumpkin display, near the back of the store, you will find a trash pile Man Candle section. You will see…
But what does “Man Town” smell like?!
I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED!!!!!
Man Town also smells, hypothetically, like a “man.” If you wade into the Yankee Candle Company website, misguided reviewers and snake oil Yankee Candle salesmen will tell you that Man Town smells like “men’s cologne.”
Let me tell you a thing. Mountain Lodge has a firm handshake. Mountain Lodge carries his elderly bird dog up and down the stairs. Mountain Lodge knows how to field dress an elk and smalltalk with your mother and he isn’t embarrassed to buy your tampons.
Man Town has a poster of Sin City Jessica Alba on his wall. Man Town has Fight Club listed in his favorite movies on Facebook. Man Town is physically incapable of calling you anything but “babe” with his friends and once, out of the corner of your eye, you caught Man Town casually spitting on the sidewalk.
You wake up one grey morning and Mountain Lodge is regrouting the window. Is that a word, “regrouting,” Tumblr user sashayed asked? We’ll never know, I replied, because Mountain Lodge doesn’t even verbalize to you that he’s gonna do whatever the verb actually is for regrouting the windows. He just noticed they were leaking a bit in that thunderstorm that rolled down from the mountains last night, and he decided to fix them himself.
It is late autumn in the woods. The windows are open. The air is cool and damp and smells like wet leaves. You are lounging in a pile of blankets with a cup of hot cocoa, watching Mountain Lodge regrouting the windows.
Mountain Lodge regrouts your windows. Man Town’s deodorant comes from a spray can. Do not settle for less, ladies. Love yourself.
I actually just bought this candle because of this tumblr post idk If I should be ashamed of that or not